This question is kinda bumming me out because they are equating ‘honoring consent’ with ‘a person has to always want to do <thing>.’ Now, in terms of sexy times, especially *vanilla* sexy times, those two things are synonymous. And @instructor144‘s answer certainly covers the practical reality of most D/s relationships in terms of life circumstances (mental or physical illness flare up happening or coming on/social obligation stacking up/emotional life events happening). Frankly, I can’t imagine any ethical dominant not letting protocol/rules/etc. slide, and especially expecting ‘play’ or sex to happen when one of those things is going on from outside the relationship for their submissive. With respect to play and sex, I’ve not had any contact with a dominant that didn’t seek and get turned on by *enthusiastic* consent; some of them (including my Sir) will even vocally demand it. (Tell me what you want…you want <this thing I’m doing to you> don’t you?)
And vice versa. Dominants’ consent matters too. I don’t want Sir ‘performing’ for me when He’s not wanting sex or play. As a submissive, there’s scarcely a worse feeling than that your dominant is going through motions just for you with sex and play. For me, personally, it sucks most, if not all of the pleasure out of the acts for me. I’m sure it’s why punishment spankings feel *bad* and fun/sexy spankings feel *good* for many submissives. He wouldn’t want to give me punishment. It’d be something He had to do, because it was part of an agreement we made (that I at least chose and probably asked for), and as a submissive, the feeling that He’s doing something He has to, and doesn’t want to, for me is the part of the punishment that would sting. That’s Him consenting to something He doesn’t want to do. Honestly.
But even in life in general, totally removed from D/s, as far as doing something we don’t want to do because ‘we’re just not feeling it,’ not honoring consent? I find that ridiculous. Because in life in general, virtually all adult humans with a conscience and sense of empathy and duty to any other person/people consent to things they ‘don’t want to do’ ALL THE TIME. Even dominants (maybe *especially* dominants).
I mean, who WANTS to wash dishes? Who WANTS to change diapers? Hell, who WANTS to go to work every day? Eat asparagus instead of chocolate donuts? I get the joy of accomplishment out of domestic service, but I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t *rather* have the dishes magically clean themselves so I could read more books and watch The Great British Baking Show and pet my dog. I mean, yes, some people (like my Sir) enjoy changing the oil on their motorcycle, but they’d still *rather* be riding it down some winding country road. Without the oil change, though…the bike breaks down. Now it can’t be ridden anymore. At least not without even MORE work no one *wants* to do. Is the motorcycle violating Sir’s consent by demanding the oil change for maintenance before He can ride it? Are the dishes violating my consent by demanding to be done before drawing ants because I don’t want to do them? I don’t think so.
While I certainly a million percent believe and advocate that consent is a bedrock concept in D/s (and should be in all of life, not just D/s, romantic/sexual relationships, etc.), I don’t think doing things you don’t want to do is a violation of the concept of consent in general. Responsible, caring, forward thinking people choose to do a lot of things they don’t want to do for themselves and other people on a daily basis. It’s putting in the work for a relationship, a family, a community, for yourself and all the things you care about to work properly.
Submitting (or Dominating) when ‘you aren’t feeling it,’ isn’t dishonoring consent. It’s honoring responsibility.Damn. This. ☝️☝️☝️
There’s a quote bouncing around somewhere on my blog from another blogger: “Submission isn’t just when I want to. Submission begins when I don’t want to.” I firmly believe in that sentiment; neither person, on both sides of the flash, gets to submit/Dominate only when they’re “feeling it.” You signed up for this, the fact that you “don’t want to” on a particular day is no excuse. Somewhere out there I have a piece, “I’m not feeling it,” that delves into this in detail. I’ve dealt with “I don’t want to today” and “I’m not feeling it today” a couple of times over the years, and hearing that is one of the very few things that makes me deeply, genuinely angry. It reflects, for lack of a better description, a shitty work ethic.
Now, there are going to be times when force of circumstances (not “I don’t want to”) will make some aspect of your submission impossible to do. It happens. Let’s use as an example a day that’s so insanely stressful that you absolutely know you’re going to screw up your protocol at various points during the day. In such a situation, there is a right way and a wrong way to handle it.
Right way: “With respect, may I be excused from my protocol today? I’ve got X going on and I just know I’m going to make a mess of my protocol and disappoint you.”
Wrong way: you just don’t do your protocol that day.
See the difference? In the first situation, which preserves the power exchange, I’d almost certainly give permission for the girl to stand down from protocol for the day, with the understanding that her ass damn well better be back on protocol when she wakes up the next day. In the second situation, I’d note the behavior, tell her to explain herself, and, if the explanation was even remotely along the lines of “I don’t want to today” or “I’m not feeling it today,” she’d be flirting with getting fired.
I mean, who WANTS to wash dishes? Who WANTS to change diapers? Hell, who WANTS to go to work every day? Eat asparagus instead of chocolate donuts? I get the joy of accomplishment out of domestic service, but I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t *rather* have the dishes magically clean themselves so I could read more books and watch The Great British Baking Show and pet my dog
What I WANT to do is often quite different from what I NEED to do.
And what I NEED to do is to uphold my end of our dynamic together. It just doesn’t work otherwise! That necessitates doing things I don’t like, sometimes things I hate. But just because I don’t ENJOY them doesn’t mean I didn’t CONSENT to them ffs.
Is this what tumblr is teaching kids these days? That if you didn’t LIKE something it automatically violated your consent? Because if so… ya’ll REALLY need to learn how to Adult.
All of this, but especially that last paragraph. ^^ In a world where people seem to think they should get a medal just for showing up, D/s relationships are one of the few remaining bastions where you only get a medal for putting in the work. Even when you don’t particularly feel like it. Especially when you don’t particularly feel like it.
Sigh….
Love/Dominance/submission isn’t a “feeling.” Feelings are nothing more than a neurochemical storm. Any idiot can feel anything. Feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just ARE. And most of them are fleeting at best. (Which is why people do drugs, drink, and I go to the bakery – to get a new feeling.)
Love/Dominance/submission is an ACT of the will. It is willing yourself to do what is necessary. If love someone, your ACTIONS show it. If you Dominate someone, your ACTIONS show it. If you submit to someone, your ACTIONS show it.
Consenting to marriage, consenting to parenting, consenting to employment, consenting to D/s doesn’t mean you get to say “I don’t feel like it today.”
“IT” is slang for LIVING UP TO MY COMMITMENT!!!!
What a great discussion thread!
it’s official velma dinkley started the mommy kink back in 2004
A true icon
Repurposing
Maxi’s favourite toy is her magic wand. That’s no surprise, it’s called magic for good reason! Plus her options for pleasure are limited by her forbidden hole, which she’ll never play with for her own selfish pleasure no matter how good any given toy might feel there. She’s too little, and she knows that sort of pleasure would overwhelm her. Of course so would her wand if she used it like a grown up, for a long play session, under her control, so that can’t be allowed. She only gets a very short session of direct contact at most once a week, and we make sure that each session gets shorter over time – that way she’s as appreciative as she should be of what little pleasure she’s allowed. It’s still her magic wand though, and when she’s down to 5 seconds a week it’ll still be her favourite toy.
So all of this got me to thinking, what would be a better way to make more use of her magic wand? What if we used it more to torture little maxi, something I don’t need to be so concerned about her getting overwhelmed by her enjoyment of? Well…
I really like the idea of you locked away in the cage completely helpless – hands cuffed behind you, kneeling up with collar attached to the bars above you, gagged under your blackout hood, plugged. A helpless, controlled, secure little girl. You’d be naked but for your crotch rope, coming tightly over your throbby little clit and the rope secured far outside of the world of your cage. Just a foot away but under Daddy’s complete control because of your bondage, your magic wand sending waves of torturous pleasure down that rope, making you squirm as it holds you so so close to going over the edge but never quite gives you enough no matter how much you wriggle and squeal through your gag. You can’t zone out because I change the settings every so often, making the pulses unpredictable, or adjust the distance, every tiny change driving you crazy as you’re forced against that continuous edge. Turns out your favourite toy can be Daddy’s favourite toy maxi, and turns out that there’s a good way to overwhelm a little girl with her wand.
After some time I’d remove your gag and your hood, let you watch as I move that wand right next to the bars of your cage, and then drop it to the lowest setting letting you catch your breath and relax just a little, dropping your guard. “Is that too much pleasure sweetie?” You’d be exhausted, still struggling against that constantly agonising rope as you squeak out a “Yes Daddy”, just what I wanted to hear. Too much pleasure from your favourite toy when you usually only get it for a few seconds a week, though not usually in such a cruel way. I’d turn the wand back up, only to its middle setting, the top one this close would almost certainly push you over involuntarily, but this one keeps you just where Daddy wants you maxi, shaking, desperate, helpless. “Would you like Daddy to take your pleasure away maxi?”
“Daddy please”
“Beg for Daddy to take it away maxi.” And you would, genuinely begging to have the pleasure leave you, your mind not even considering the possibility that Daddy could turn it up and finally let you cum, somehow you know that won’t happen today. Begging to feel less, to feel nothing, the same way you’d usually beg for more. Careful what you wish for little girl. I’d smile at you, almost in tears from begging so earnestly, and then put your hood back on. “Daddy will be back in a minute maxi, make sure you’re certain.” That wand that close being deliberately left untouched would make sure you were.
“Are you sure sweetie?”
“Daddy please I need it off I need off off…” perfect. I’d switch the wand off, remove your bondage and finally your hood after I’ve led you out the cage and over to the sofa, barely controlling your desperate body. “Isn’t it amazing sweetie? It’s just the one we wanted!” Well, I wanted. You’d been measured for it a week ago but you still weren’t sure it wasn’t one of Daddy’s mind games until now, now when there could be no doubt. “Let’s try it right away maxi!” The thought of that metal belt around your body, of it securing your clit away, of that lock clamping it away until Daddy wants to see it again, of no more pleasure, Daddy taking your pleasure away just like you asked, begged. It’d make the other feeling come back, the more familiar desperation not for less, not for nothing, but for more, for release, for the one thing the cruel metal belt would take away for good. “Yes Daddy”.. but you weren’t going to beg for more time in that cage with that wand, Daddy would never give you cummies before locking you away, that’d be a selfish thing to expect.
“You’ve had a lot of pleasure tonight maxi.” The metal locked around you, Daddy’s delight at the perfect fit, that you can’t even get one finger inside, all of those tell you there won’t be any more. This is what you begged for.
“Yes Daddy”
“And you’ve been locked in your cage sweetie, you haven’t been able to give Daddy any.” You’d throb down there beneath your confinement, you always get so wet at the thought of being used.
“On your knees little one. And then Daddy will make sure your belt keeps even your wand from giving you pleasure maxi, just like you asked.”
—
It wouldn’t take long until you were begging for that belt to come off, an end to the nothingness you get to feel while securely locked away. Again I’d ask if you’re sure, if you’re ready to be allowed pleasure again, if you’re confident you won’t be overwhelmed by it, and again you’d beg so desperately. Eventually I’d relent when you told me you need to feel your wand again, that it’s not fair for Daddy to take away your favourite toy.
You’d be back in your cage, just like before, belt replaced with that crotch rope, wand ready barely outside your cage. This time you’d be blindfolded with no gag, no hood. “This won’t be like usual maxi. If you ask Daddy to stop the wand, to take it away, if you even utter the word please, then Daddy will turn it off right away. Is that clear maxi?”
“Yes Daddy”
“Daddy’s set an alarm maxi, and if Daddy has to take the wand away before the alarm then you’ll be right back in that belt again.”
“Yes Daddy”
I’d turn the wand to its middle setting. Have fun sweetie, this is what you asked for, again.
There was an imp in the mirror.
It got her every time. Martina wished she could cover the mirror, but every time she tried, she caught a glimpse of her reflection and the imp took hold of her again.
Martina tried to stay out of the room with the mirror as much as she could. But every so often, like today, she found herself remembering something she needed, like a book, that was in the room, and before she could think about what it meant to do so, she would go in, seeking the book but finding …
The mirror….
Her reflection in the mirror….
The eyes of her reflection in the mirror….
The delicious feeling of peace and tranquility she experienced when she gazed into the eyes of her reflection in the mirror….
It was impossible to resist, because she automatically dropped down deeper and deeper by the delicious feeling of peace and tranquility she experienced when she gazed into the eyes of her reflection in the mirror….
The reflection spoke to Martina, and her own mouth and voice moved in response. “Did you get what I told you to get?”
Martina nodded.
“Good girl. Go find it and bring it to me at once.”
Martina turned away and went back to her own bedroom. From the bottom drawer of her dresser she took out a paper bag. The bag contained a red plastic jelly dildo with a suction-cup base, as well as a tube of lube. Martina had bought it, shamefacedly, at a sex toy store. She wasn’t that kind of girl, but the imp in the mirror had made her do it. She couldn’t say no to the imp in the mirror, who had made Martina its slave. Dreading what was about to happen and also craving it, Martina took the bag and its content back into the room with the mirror.
The imp’s eyes took complete hold of Martina once more.
Helpless, Martina felt her body move as a silent reflection of the imp on the other side of the glass. The imp took the dildo and fixed it on the floor with its suction cup. Martina did the same in concert. The imp grinned, and reached under its skirt and pulled its panties down and off. Martina could do nothing but pull hers off at the same time. The imp took the lube and slathered it on the reflection of the dildo. The lube was cold in Martina’s hands, and the dildo felt in her hand like jello cooked a bit too hard to eat.
Martina felt her jaw open, her lips tighten, while the imp grinned eagerly in anticipation of what came next. She found herself kneeling on top of the dildo, adjusting herself and wriggling so that its tip found its way into her cunt. She was ready for it, she was quite aroused, because of course her body was echoing the eagerness of the imp. It filled her; it pulled and tickled her labia as she took it in. She gasped. She slid her hips up again, and then down.
“You like that,” the imp gloated. “I do, too.” Martina watched the imp hump its dildo while she humped hers. It seemed like she had her own will back, if only because she needed to keep humping, to keep the thing going in and out of her.
“You’re such a fucking slut,” the imp said, and Martina could only agree, desperately thrusting her hips down on the dildo and up again, as the pleasure grew and the need for more pleasure grew even more. “You can’t stop. You need this more and more, and you’ll come back for this again and again, until you’re completely mine. You’re mine right now, aren’t you? Oooh, you want to come so bad, I can tell, I can feel it too, but you won’t, you can’t, until you give yourself to me completely….”
Stay still my little plaything 😘
Fuck. Yes!!! 😍
And just imagine an orgasm block so that you couldn’t cum without permission, no matter the stimulus, no matter how hard you tried, so that each time you are pushed far past the edge and yet just… dangle there, unable to descend… reinforces that block with even more memories, more certainty, of how helpless and controlled you are.
But don’t worry, I won’t change the vibrator to the high speed until your mind is completely melted.
And then? Then I’m going to turn the vibe in high, and whisper into your head until I’ve given that orgasm block something new: sentience. An aware, caring, merciless, mischievous partner who will learn exactly how and when to squeeze and massage that need to cum to keep it at a constant throb even as you sleep, filling your mind with naughty dreams you can’t help but think about throughout each day.
Fall in.
Oh.my…. it spins both ways. Just focus a little and it shifts
why don’t you just STARE INTO THE PRETTY SPIRAL for a bit, boys?~
Yesssssss staaaaaaree
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At first this was a good spiral, but keep staring and… wow.
SubbyLittleKitten 