deeperforme:

I sat down on the couch and had khatsha kneel between my legs. I
dropped her into trance and had her vividly imagine unbuckling my belt,
unzipping my jeans, putting my cock in her mouth and getting me fully
hard. I walked her through every step, and told her to make it as real
as possible in her mind.

Then I woke her up, and told her to open my pants, put my cock in her mouth, and get me fully hard.

Then I dropped her again. And had her imagine the same thing again, while I fastened my pants and rebuckled my belt.

I suggested that she make the fantasy more and more real, and when I
woke her up again, I told her it would feel more dreamlike when she did
the same action again.

I explicitly suggested that she would make the hypnotic fantasy and
the reality closer and closer in her mind, and, in particular, to adjust
the memories of the fantasy and reality closer and closer to each other
each time.

I repeated this cycle three and a half times in total, the half time
because she communicated that she had to switch into a sitting position.
I told her to overwrite the stored memories with the sensation of
sitting instead of kneeling.

This scene was inspired by the recent AI innovation of Generative Adversarial Networks.
One neural network generates images, for example, and another neural
network takes in real images alongside them and judges which ones are
fake. The first one adjusts and learns until the second one can’t tell
which is real. The two networks are called the Generator and the
Discriminator, and are often located on the same CPUs and GPUs – I
picture a black tower with blinking lights getting warm as it silently
struggles with itself through the night.

Once this Generative Adversarial Network has been trained, it can be
used to output new images, like a brand new Picasso, or a morph of two
faces, that can fool a neural network. Or a human.

That’s what I was doing to khatsha. I was also exploiting the fact
that our memory is a lossy compression and isn’t good at storing
repeated events distinctly, and that every time we take out a memory to
examine it gets distorted a little.

The waking stage of the last cycle, I walked khatsha through what she
was really doing as if I was prompting a hypnotic fantasy: “You’re
imagining, so vividly, that you’re opening my pants…”

Then I dropped her and suggested one last time that she would adjust
all those memories, so that reality and fantasy would seem the same.
“And you don’t know if it happened once, or 50 times.”

Then I broke the cycle. I dropped her and woke her up as definitively
as I could, and checked in. When she seemed relatively back to reality,
I asked her to kneel between my legs and open my pants. When she was
down there, she paused for a long time, and got a very puzzled, frowny
expression on her face.

“What’s wrong? Deja vu?”

She gave her head a quick toss like she was trying to shake something off.

“You don’t have to figure it out. You don’t have to sort out what was real and what wasn’t. You just have to suck.”

And she did.

After she got me off, I was moving into aftercare mode when I noticed
she suddenly looked very sleepy sitting on the rug. Not sleepy trancy,
but like she wanted to go to bed immediately, despite it being 7 pm. She
could barely open her eyes. I bet it was something to do with her brain
going, “fuck this, I need an REM cycle right now to sort this memory
mess out!!” I checked in with what she wanted, and we went into every
one of our de-role-ing exercises to bring reality all the way back:
counting together while tapping her leg, asking her questions about
mundane things, and looking out the window together to see that the
outside world was still there.

After about half an hour the sleepiness was gone and she seemed fully herself again. “That was edgy as fuck.”

When I asked how many cycles she thought we went through, she guessed
a range, but came down on 5 – almost twice as many. She had the sense
that I had been alternating, but had no hope of telling whether the real
ones were the evens or the odds. We were both aroused, and somewhat
frightened, at how much I had managed to warp her reality. “I think that
was much stronger than you intended it to be.”

I told her, “We’re in reality now. I promise not to joke around about
it or gaslight you any more.” If you do try hypnotic adversarial
memories, it needs very extensive, very informed
consent discussion, with someone who knows their own mind and responses
well. Or a long term, very trusting CNC relationship like I have with
khatsha. And allow time, and have the skills, for major aftercare. This
is big stuff.

What’s next? I would like to try it again with slipping in one-time
variations to the repeated scene, to see if the variation can be either
erased, or mistaken for real.

But more broadly, her unconscious mind has now had the experience of
having her reality completely fucked, and of creating memories according
to my instructions that should couldn’t tell apart. If khatsha thought
she was mine before… now she’s really mine.