If a girl feels uncomfortable hanging out with you alone, and you get so offended by that, it makes you angry, she probably made the right choice.
I know I’ve reblogged this recently but still so spot the fuck on.
In general if a dude gets angry by you declining an invitation you made the right choice to say no
Relevant to a LOT of the interactions that we feature on this blog
-LMS
Have any of y’all on the porn side of Tumblr ever accidentally liked a post in a fandom or some random unrelated thing on your porn blog? And then Tumblr AI decides just, “That. Yes, THAT, is the only thing, this blog wants to see ever.” And spams you with related posts, forever?
We’re getting desperate aren’t we, little girl? Or so you think. Because in my opinion, you’re not close to desperate yet. Nowhere near it, in fact. I’m just getting started. By the time I’m done with you, you’re gonna be a little puddle. A moaning, writhing little puddle. And those noises you’re making now? Oh, they’re nothing. Not even close to what sounds you’re gonna make. By the time I’m done with you, you’ll be willing to do anything. Anything at all to please me.
He had told her he had a surprise for her that night. She came home from work later, eager to see what he had done. He had always been intuitive, knowing instinctively what she needed and when. He kissed her softly as she walked in the door. “Are you ready for your surprise?”, he asked as he took her coat. Her perfume wafted in his nostrils as he felt his arousal beckon. She nodded and smiled as he took her hand and led her to the bedroom. As he opened the door, she saw the straps on each corner, the restraints he had set up, the vibrator laid carefully in the middle of the bed. She turned around and looked at him, a devilish smile on her face. His expression had changed, his dominant mode emerging as he looked at her sternly. “Strip. Now.”, the growl in his voice moistening her instantly. She began to remove her clothes slowly, letting him enjoy it. “Yes, Sir.”, her voice soft and low, her mind melting as she listened, awaiting his touch and his next command.
Anon, my dude, pull up a chair and let me tell you something:
I *hate* to punish.
Fucking hate it. It is, without a doubt, my least favorite part of being a dominant. No question. Because my partners are fucking awesome, right? @belovedsangi and @danipup are both extraordinarily intelligent, capable, talented women and it’s important to me that they are happy and free of worry. Why in the hell would I enjoy punishing my partners who I love so much?
I don’t want to. I don’t love it.
And that’s exactly why it’s so critically important that I do it when necessary.
See, part of being a dominant is about providing structure, right? That’s a huge deal. Rules, structure, rituals, conscientious power dynamics are all part of these relationships. They are all part of the toolkit we use to calm our partners’ minds. The submissive asks to be held accountable, and the dominant agrees to hold them accountable.
So if we refuse, if we see them going outside of the rules and structure that they asked for and we do not hold them accountable, *we are failing our partners*. And that’s the hardest damn thing in the world to wrap your head around, I know. But it’s the truth. When you fail to hold your partner accountable for things that they asked to be held accountable for, you are failing your partner.
Punishments are a way to say “hey, I’m here and I’m present and I’m paying attention and I’m doing my job.”
When your submissive strays from their dynamic and you do nothing, your submissive will feel stress. So part of the reason we punish is to eliminate that stress. Punishment itself also serves as a “cleanse”. Your partner feels like they disappointed you when they broke a rule, so you punish as a way to say “ok, this is over and it is forgiven, now we move forward”. Do not underestimate how much that means to a submissive.
Look, anon- I’ve said before and I will say again, I firmly believe that dominants who are quick to punish every slight, inadvertent infraction are fundamentally insecure people. Our partners are human and they will make mistakes, so one of the biggest parts of being a dominant is knowing when punishment is appropriate and when it isn’t. I always say that I look for patterns of behavior rather than specific incidents.
I had this conversation with @danipup the other night, in fact- she inadvertently ran late on something I asked her to do and she was feeling stress over it. So I called attention to the behavior to let her know that I was paying attention, but I also didn’t punish her and I explained why- it was because she has been a model submissive at every other possible opportunity, and this was simple human accidental error rather than a willful disregard of our dynamic. I talked her through all of what I just talked about here and that was enough. Not every situation merits a punishment.
And not every punishment needs to be physical, either. Both of my partners are masochists, so spanking either of them to punish wouldn’t be terribly productive. I focus on things like chores that need to be done in most cases. You don’t need to torture your partner. You just have to let them know that you are present in your dynamic and let them know that you are willing to step up when you need to step up.
I’m fortunate to have two amazing partners who almost never give me reason to punish. I’m thankful for that. But part of the reason they do not is because I’m extremely mindful of things and head them off before they become a problem. If you hate punishment like I do, be more mindful of the way you guide your partner. If you step up in that way, if you succeed there, you won’t be faced with having to punish often.
But when you are, when it is necessary, make no mistake: you have to do it. Otherwise you’re failing them far worse than they may have failed you.
-LMS
I should’ve mentioned this in the original post, but it slipped my mind: if you hate punishing, like I do, make sure your submissive partners understand that.
If they know that you love them enough, that you give enough of a shit about your relationship to do something for them that you don’t enjoy doing, it makes it that much more powerful and impactful.
SubbyLittleKitten 