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It’s hard talking to other people about kinky junk because my partner and I don’t technically have a safeword, per se. We don’t engage in con noncon or anything like that, so just ‘no,’ ‘wait,’ ‘stop,’ even just an uncomfortable noise is enough of a cue for us to halt. THOSE are our safewords, but people act like we ‘must not really be doing kinky stuff’ because we aren’t calling out something like ‘cranberry!!’ Like, buddy. 😒 Wtf.

instructor144: toodomforyou: toodomforyou: That’s the thing, anon. For you, “no” or “stop” ARE your safewords. If it helps, I’ve been in this lifestyle for going on 13 years now and @belovedsangi and I don’t have “safewords” either, because, like you, we don’t do CNC, so “no”, “stop” or “red” are safewords for us too. AContinue reading “It’s hard talking to other people about kinky junk because my partner and I don’t technically have a safeword, per se. We don’t engage in con noncon or anything like that, so just ‘no,’ ‘wait,’ ‘stop,’ even just an uncomfortable noise is enough of a cue for us to halt. THOSE are our safewords, but people act like we ‘must not really be doing kinky stuff’ because we aren’t calling out something like ‘cranberry!!’ Like, buddy. 😒 Wtf.”

My sir has suddenly done a 180 on me and I’m very scared. He used to consider my opinions and treat me as his girlfriend and his sub. Now I’m just a sub. He wants to decide how I dress, how my hair should be cut, what I eat and who I talk to. I loved being owned but now I feel trapped. He also has been ignoring safe words and forcing me to do things in my hard limits and my red zone. I love him but I just don’t know what to do. Sorry to bother you, I just don’t know what to do

toodomforyou: Anon- I’m not going to mince words: leave him ASAP. Abusive people are able to get away with being abusive people because they usually aren’t abusive right off the bat. They sucker us in with kindness and honeyed words. They make sure we see the best in them and believe that about them beforeContinue reading “My sir has suddenly done a 180 on me and I’m very scared. He used to consider my opinions and treat me as his girlfriend and his sub. Now I’m just a sub. He wants to decide how I dress, how my hair should be cut, what I eat and who I talk to. I loved being owned but now I feel trapped. He also has been ignoring safe words and forcing me to do things in my hard limits and my red zone. I love him but I just don’t know what to do. Sorry to bother you, I just don’t know what to do”

I’m learning so I have no personal experience, but I came up with a strategy working through it in my own mind which I thought might be useful for other subs to acclimate to safewording easily – get used to calling “yellow” frequently. There’s a lot of pressure when it feels like you’re making an all-or-nothing choice. It’s much easier to say “This is the max I can take,” or “I need this to slow down/ease up.” If after the Dom does that you still feel distressed, you can always call “red” after.

instructor144: I completely agree with this. There is a tendency – and I am as guilty of this as the next person – to write about this stuff as if it is a binary On/Off switch: Safeword is invoked. Scene ends. Aftercare ensues. Real scenes aren’t like that. I should get better about working thatContinue reading “I’m learning so I have no personal experience, but I came up with a strategy working through it in my own mind which I thought might be useful for other subs to acclimate to safewording easily – get used to calling “yellow” frequently. There’s a lot of pressure when it feels like you’re making an all-or-nothing choice. It’s much easier to say “This is the max I can take,” or “I need this to slow down/ease up.” If after the Dom does that you still feel distressed, you can always call “red” after.”

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