Ferrett wrote a really interesting piece. Here’s an excerpt:
Unconditional love, in my experience, is what abusive parents try to tell their kids in order to justify the damage they feel like dealing out. We love each other no matter what, they say as they’re insulting and undermining and destroying you,And that’s why we don’t leave one another.
In other words, “Love” becomes twisted into this sense of “You enable my behavior no matter how bad it gets.” (Usually with a healthy dollop of “If you don’t stay with me, then you don’t know how to love and are hence a bad person.”)
And so what you wind up with are people endlessly swallowing huge gouts of abuse they should never put up with, because they’ve tied the concept of “love” directly into “enduring.” For them, unconditional love means that no matter what happens, I’ll be there for you. Just like Christ, right?
Except that Christ flipped a few moneylenders’ tables in His lifetime. He snap-corrected His followers when they were wrong.
Christ loved you, but even the Son of God wasn’t willing to take your shit.
(emphasis mine, btw)
To me, his post affirms two things:
- Just because you don’t want to kiss or even talk to someone ever again doesn’t mean you’re wrong to love and miss them.
- Too many of us (including myself) incorrectly define “Unconditional Love” as willing to turn the other cheek indefinitely.
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Seriously. This should be required reading.
Why Unconditional Love Will Destroy You (Usually) | Ferrett Steinmetz
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