I am fairly new to the BDSM community. I identify as a sub. I have never been in a D/s dynamic before. Should I rely on the guidance or knowledge of my potential Dom for the basics or gather as much info in readings, posts, or other How to before hand?

toodomforyou:

beloved-bug:

instructor144:

Abslutely learn and reflect as much beforehand.

You should never rely on someone who has a vested interest in what you learn or how you learn it. For example: someone who’s trying to date you might subconsciously or on purpose steer you toward things they’re doing as “good signs” and away from things other people are doing as “bad signs”. In this manner they can easily:

– manipulate you to believe they’re the be all and end all of domliness/bdsm (check out @toodomforyou )

– isolate you from your friends or family

– steer you away from intra-community conversation which leads to

– isolating you within the bdsm community so no one can tell you this isn’t healthy

– steer you away from other interested parties who might be better suited to your needs because they want you with them

I could go on but I’m sure you get the idea. Basically it is never a good idea to get your information on any topic from someone who has a vested interest in you/you learning about that topic. That’s a biased source and should be treated as such. Do your research and stay safe.

Wholeheartedly support this comment.

-SD